That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he puts the penis in happiness.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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