Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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