i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize