I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
