ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
