please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
