Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
