she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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