sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
