i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
