So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
