I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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