I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
