so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
