I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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