I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
May the power of my ass compel you!!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
