I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
