I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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