CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
