If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
