I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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