Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
