STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
