My entire life is one complicated drinking game
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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