i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
