dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
