There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
