she was so not down for the gang bang
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
