I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
