We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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