i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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