i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
