JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
