we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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