Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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