How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
