you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
