He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
