so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
