be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
