Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
