i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize