I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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