eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
