saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize