I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
