And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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