If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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