Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Randomize
