I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
