I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
