So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
