the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
