Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Send help, water and tortillas.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
