they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
