Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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