bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
