Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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