chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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