My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
