ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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