The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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