dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
