Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
